if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
Randomize
