you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
Randomize
