I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
Randomize
