We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
Randomize
