never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
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