I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
