rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
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