tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
