You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
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