In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
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