morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
Error 1684C: You're last text was undeeliverable. Subscriber is our to the aera.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
Randomize
