Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
i just google imaged poop.
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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