the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
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