how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Randomize