At least make sure they are 18
Why
those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Randomize
