I can feel you judging me through the phone.
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Randomize
