Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
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