I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
