i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
Randomize
