At least make sure they are 18
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"