I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants