dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
23 Roommates Share Secrets Their Roomie Thinks They Don’t Know
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
29 Cringeworthy Situations People Realized They Shouldn’t Be In
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked