yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
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My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
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6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.