Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
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I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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