I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.