:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
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She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
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Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything