and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
Randomize
