I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
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