she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
