So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
