you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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