i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
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You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
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