mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
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