Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
Randomize
