he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
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