...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
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