i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
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