They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
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