those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
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