remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
home. puking in laundry basket.
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
I will be naked everywhere
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
Randomize
