We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
Randomize
