were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
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