Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
Randomize
