He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Randomize
