Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
