birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
