I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
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its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
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Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
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