hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
Randomize
