i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
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