Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
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