I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize