I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
In other news, I just burned my penis
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
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