that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
