I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
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just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
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Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
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