Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
Randomize
