you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
Randomize
