I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
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