we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Randomize
