i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
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