dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
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