i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
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he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
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I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
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