No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
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