your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
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