guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
Randomize
