actually, I'm a sock model
Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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