Christians are straight up FREAKS
But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
They left me at home... I'm a liability
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