is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
Randomize
