I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
You have to summon your inner elephant
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
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