yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
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