Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
Randomize
