so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
Randomize
