If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
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