Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
The beers last night were like the tears from god
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
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