Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
jump out the window naked night went bad
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Randomize
