dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
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