I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
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