Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
Randomize
