I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
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