I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
