oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
Randomize
