Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
Randomize
