Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
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