Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
