I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Randomize
