Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
one word: firstdatebathroomanal
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
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